If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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