My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
