i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
