There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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