Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just high enough for therapy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
