she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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