Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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