i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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