the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
