Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
