Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
