my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
