tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize