So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
