It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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