I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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