Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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