There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
