I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
