Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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