I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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