i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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