and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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