so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
