I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
