Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
