Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You made out with two different species that night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm just crazy horny about you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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