i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Congratulations! We have a period
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