He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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