no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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