Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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