So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
