So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
