You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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