some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
