you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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