Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
