Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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