Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
