Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
