i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
