I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
