The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
