Non-Jews are for practice
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
