Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
