paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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