I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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