a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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