I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
