I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize