Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
