You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
