dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
