be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
