shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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