i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
