I want to make a zoo with you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize