You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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