4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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