i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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