someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
