so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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