I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
