I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
