yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
