I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
