fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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