Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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