Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
