i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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