with your own penis?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
