Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
