In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.