Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!