Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat