I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?