During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
