As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
two words: eviction party
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
