AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
