I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize