just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
