yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
