It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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