just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
