i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
