There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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